Set your alarms and event reminders – Black Friday is back and bigger than ever. Whether you’re a shopaholic in denial or already scheduling those cray 24 hours down to the minute, we know exactly how b-day is gonna go down (and it ain’t pretty). Get your war paint at the ready: here are the eight stages of Black Friday shopping.
1. You tell yourself that you don’t care
Everyone’s buzzing about Black Friday, but you? Not so much. The scrambling, the heart palpitations, the stampedes… the memories are too legit. You pity your mates as they take the day off and invite you shopping – if only they could keep their cool like you.
2. Until you check your Insta feed…
Spotted: The handbag of actual dreams. Not just on your wish list for, like, ever, but now reduced to 50% off. The worst part? It’s got serious bragging rights on Katie’s story and not yours. Dammit Katie, this one’s on you.
3. So you take just one quick peek
And that’s IT. You have this covert Black Friday mission totally under control, and your funds will only take a minor knock. It’s in the cart and you’re checking out your bask- but WAIT a sec. That matching purse is hella cute.
4. …aaaaand you’re hooked
Yeah OK, so those other priorities have gone out the window but this is one day a year, people. You’re three online orders down and On. A. Roll. Can people do this for, like, a living you ask? You consider it for five seconds then realise you’re still in your PJs and it’s past noon. Time to get dressed and get out!
5. Until *oops* you stumble straight to the stores…
Girl, you got this! The bargains and discounts go waaay beyond treats for yourself – you’ve scored awesome Christmas presents too. That gorgeous scarf for your mum, sparkly jewellery for your best baes, and novelty headbands for the Christmas party: there is NO stopping this shopping queen.
6. Then things start to get real serious
Ok so this whole Black Friday IRL thing is a little more intense than you thought. Not phased by the queues just to get in the door, you charge through and spot some totally must-have shoes. Major crisis alert: the only size 5 pair is in someone else’s hand. You know what you have to do.
7. Time for a pep talk – this is no time to flag!
This is all too much. Your shopping bags are bursting at the seams, you haven’t eaten since breakfast and all those sale tags have made you delirious. It’s time to give yourself the chat: you are a woman on a mission and you’ve only got two hours left till stores close. Snap out of it!
8. No more. I’m finished. Pass the chocolate.
You did it – despite your pulled arm muscles, unexplained bruises and major eye bags, you survived Black Friday like a total pro. It’s time to wrap up in your duvet, refuel on all the sweet treats and detox your brain of discount codes. Your style wins can stay in their bags for now, it’s all about hibernating until round two on Cyber Monday.